well..
i tried to do somethin with my blog appearance and apparently cudnt do much :(
i so used to out-sourcing everythin that i feel like a drag sometimes .. to actually do any WORK!!!
ironically my Facebook status msg rather says that i am hungry for work.. does that ring a bell to me ?! or to nybody for that matter.
sometimes.. rather currently .. i am stratin to get this feeling that we jus dont live for ourselves !!! there is this HUGE pile of other ppl's lives that we carry around n we have be with them n be good to them n live for them.. like them cud be nyone.. from ur friends to parents to spouses .. goddddd................
is this abt the 'social being' or wot..
i never get it... rather i know i wud get it.. its jus my head is tooooooo clogged to get to an answer.
most of the ppl around my life , my age ppl are goin thru crisis times like all the time.. we do actually live on everyday basis... hopin fr the weekend to come.. have a merry weekend.. n hey then comes the dreadful monday.. n comes along the wait fr another weekend ...
wats the point if all this ?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i suppose there isnt ny point to all of this except for the fact that i need to get sloshed tonight.. oh i so DONT wana do dat.. or i jus need to go out.. into the cold winds that might jus get my brains outta the brain freeze allrightttttt
thank god.. goddess of good times.. is on her way from the office n she can tak me out ... hopefuuly for a goodtime or ny time...
Song Recommended-
Be my baby- The Ronettes
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Monday, December 21, 2009
its been a long long time.. i was here... rather i was here... but jus cudnt make myself drop a few lines..
i still have a lot to put here.. from goa trip to my days in this crazi land... which seems so mine,, but it still cant keep me away from wanting to move to a new one :P
hope in the comin days, ill have enuf time to get my post flowing.
i still have a lot to put here.. from goa trip to my days in this crazi land... which seems so mine,, but it still cant keep me away from wanting to move to a new one :P
hope in the comin days, ill have enuf time to get my post flowing.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
What’s become of me?!
It feels strange and out of control – the whole situation I have got my self stuck into.
Left my decently paying, recently comfortable job for a more comfortable sabbatical back at home, all under the hoax of preparing for the so called “MBA” entrances.
All I see right now in front of me is a BIG BLA !!! Laughing at my face.
Sometimes I believe that going deep into corporate shit and kicking it out right at the peak hour would be the best thrill and achievement I can treat myself to.
What is it that I want to achieve – I have mediocre dreams because that’s who I am a Mediocre, always been one and will always be one…
I don’t understand what is the fuss about this fact, which has been the reality of my life and a fact which is re-instigated over various occasions spreading across my life.
Well, one fact I learnt very soon in my life was that – No matter what we can do , have done, will do… there always be someone better off than you and someone whose worse off than you.
So at any given point of time, at least I would always be found in the in equilibrium, dancing somewhere in the middle of the scale, never making it to the extremes and always resulting so, outta no efforts.
Effortlessly – is the word.. I am ready to do anything, if it doesn’t require EFFORT :P
Ya.. right.. as if that’s gonna happen :P
Paah.. living outa a bag (stupid black duffle bag since my birthday last month).
Had bunkers all around the cities….. Delhi, Gurgaon, Noida, Ghaziabad…
And I very royally still have no clue as to where I am gonna put in my shoes finally for the next two months…
Am I really so messy? Am I really ‘don’t wana decide’ kinds? Am I really a misfit OR I just pretend to be one cuz I swear by you , its just easy and simple this way.. to be a misfit.. appear to be a wonky, disconnected from the real world.. I am a care free bird.. gimme wings..(no not the redbull ones, I hate Red Bull)
Anyway… what’s become of me… and what will become of me.. is all that im gonna figure out in 6 months time.
I remember I was so permanent 6 months back.. I knew what I was doing, I knew what was coming my way.. it was a good year(the second half) only one major achievement pending for this year from my to do list for 2009, rather two:P
The most important one reads green done on the excel sheet, it was – GOA Trip[Status check- Totally nailed it]
(I suddenly feel so geeky to accept the fact that I maintain an Excel to keep track of my things to do)
Last night I realized that there aint a specific time to start or renew my to do list, I shouldn’t wait for 2010…
So few early entries are-
1. Getting a CAR(I don’t care if it’s a second or a third hand)
2. I wana start swimming or start playing basketball( I wana be good naah… maybe mediocre at it, that s the best im gonna try.. cuz u knw my theory.. .. the scale and the equilibrium , bla bla)
Peace Out, Cheers !
Song Recommended: All Along the Watchtower, Original by Bob Dylan
Cover by Jimi Hendrix.
PS: written on : 20 th Oct 09
Published : right now :P
Left my decently paying, recently comfortable job for a more comfortable sabbatical back at home, all under the hoax of preparing for the so called “MBA” entrances.
All I see right now in front of me is a BIG BLA !!! Laughing at my face.
Sometimes I believe that going deep into corporate shit and kicking it out right at the peak hour would be the best thrill and achievement I can treat myself to.
What is it that I want to achieve – I have mediocre dreams because that’s who I am a Mediocre, always been one and will always be one…
I don’t understand what is the fuss about this fact, which has been the reality of my life and a fact which is re-instigated over various occasions spreading across my life.
Well, one fact I learnt very soon in my life was that – No matter what we can do , have done, will do… there always be someone better off than you and someone whose worse off than you.
So at any given point of time, at least I would always be found in the in equilibrium, dancing somewhere in the middle of the scale, never making it to the extremes and always resulting so, outta no efforts.
Effortlessly – is the word.. I am ready to do anything, if it doesn’t require EFFORT :P
Ya.. right.. as if that’s gonna happen :P
Paah.. living outa a bag (stupid black duffle bag since my birthday last month).
Had bunkers all around the cities….. Delhi, Gurgaon, Noida, Ghaziabad…
And I very royally still have no clue as to where I am gonna put in my shoes finally for the next two months…
Am I really so messy? Am I really ‘don’t wana decide’ kinds? Am I really a misfit OR I just pretend to be one cuz I swear by you , its just easy and simple this way.. to be a misfit.. appear to be a wonky, disconnected from the real world.. I am a care free bird.. gimme wings..(no not the redbull ones, I hate Red Bull)
Anyway… what’s become of me… and what will become of me.. is all that im gonna figure out in 6 months time.
I remember I was so permanent 6 months back.. I knew what I was doing, I knew what was coming my way.. it was a good year(the second half) only one major achievement pending for this year from my to do list for 2009, rather two:P
The most important one reads green done on the excel sheet, it was – GOA Trip[Status check- Totally nailed it]
(I suddenly feel so geeky to accept the fact that I maintain an Excel to keep track of my things to do)
Last night I realized that there aint a specific time to start or renew my to do list, I shouldn’t wait for 2010…
So few early entries are-
1. Getting a CAR(I don’t care if it’s a second or a third hand)
2. I wana start swimming or start playing basketball( I wana be good naah… maybe mediocre at it, that s the best im gonna try.. cuz u knw my theory.. .. the scale and the equilibrium , bla bla)
Peace Out, Cheers !
Song Recommended: All Along the Watchtower, Original by Bob Dylan
Cover by Jimi Hendrix.
PS: written on : 20 th Oct 09
Published : right now :P
Friday, September 18, 2009
Count-down Begins...
As my days to say goodbye to this paradise land are nearing, i am becoming more and more nostalgic... Posting a few glimpses of my time spent here...
There are the Dhauladhars, a classic olive green fauji Enfeild, my dog tryin to drink water frm a random bottle, miracle street dog(she managed to get herself almost killed under a jeep, but now is in best of her health, not less than a miracle:P)
and ofcourse.. a few of my fav spots in the station.
Count-down has begun but I still dont wana say goodbye...........
Sunday, September 13, 2009
13th Sep 09
Though the day seemed a regular Sunday to me… with waking up late, dodging mum’s parathas and settling for an apple instead, brief driving lesson with dad(managing to pass with B grade :P ) gradually the day turned out to be a li more than a regular Sunday. As the evening approached I was told that we were visiting one of maternal relative’s house (munna aunty and munna uncle, that’s what they are called outa affection in the family) and I was coming by default. I showed a li resistance but mothers have their own ways.. so I had to succumb to the visiting plan.. and off we were to Sidhbari(small place near Dharamshala, hp).
I had heard a lot of stories about Munna aunty and uncle’s house, I had heard that they have a beautiful house with tall trees around, perfectly laid garden, a li pond at the back, colorful flowers blooming everywhere.. a picture perfect house with amazing decor inside. Being a spectator one would think and wish to own and be at this place.
Trust me when I reached there, it was better than I just explained it here..
After the usual greeting, Dad and I went for a li round of the place and garden.. it felt peaceful and just like a home everyone wud wana be at.
While on the walk my dad reminded me of Munna Uncle’s illness and mental health and it all came back to me that many years back I had heard of Munna uncle, who is suffering from schizophrenia(psychotic disorder,symptoms like- derailment, delusions, loss of reality). His treatment has been going on for more than 20 years now. Though today he has recovered markedly but is still under strong medication.
Munna Uncle served as an Army Officer(Engineers), with remarkable career history before he was diagnosed with schizophrenic disorder.
His last posting was in sikkim before his initial symptoms of schizophrenia were detected and he soon had to retire from the Army.
Since his retirement aunty and uncle live in their beautiful house, which was designed by Munna uncle himself.
They are blessed with two daughters both married and working, so that leaves uncle and aunty living all by themselves in their dream house. While Uncle floats in his thoughts, munna aunty is the one who keeps them intact and holds - him, his delusions, her wishes, their life together.
Munna Aunty – An inspiration, head to toe !!
Her smile is majestic and its truly her real beauty which enhances the place around her.
Along with the hot cups of tea, home made butter cake, Munna aunty took me and my parents back in time.. she started to tell us about their childhood days at my grandparents village, called Bhagotla(hp). How my mum and she used to run around their rice fields and used to spectate the water run grain- grinder work.
All this while, Munna uncle was in his bedroom.. floating in his thoughts, I really wonder what they were….
Human Brain… a mystery which would only get wilder with time,,, cuz our brain is not getting any simpler with time… listening to my mother’s childhood days only made me long for mine and left me to gloom over the fact that future is going to be such a devoid.
Meanwhile, A bigger blow hit me, when Munna aunty told me that uncle was also suffering from bipolar depression and recently she also has been diagnosed with major(uniploar) depression.
But, trust me an outsider can never tell what they are going through. Munna Aunty is so full of life, lives in best of the comfort and is so humble and a great hostess.
She manages the entire house, is excellent at gardening, infact she has an amazing way of trimming her lawn(she calls local horse breeders with their horses and her lawn acts as a big treat to the horses:P). She manages uncle's psychiatric appointments, her medical appointments, maintains her house not less than Sheraton and leaves all alike me in awe.
As I mentioned before, she is an INSPIRATION head to toe.. while talking to her sometimes I just wished to hug her and sometimes I just admired her for her courage and her patience.
Staying close to home / family(though extended) definitely has its own share of highlights and well today’s evening was one of them.
Believe me when I got back home I re opened my Psychological Disorders book and read through the Schizophrenia chapter. I didn’t really wanted to sound like a shrink to my aunt and therefore curbed most of the queries I had about uncle’s diagnosis by psychiatrists and the causes according to them, which might have caused this disorder to occur.
Schizophrenia can be caused due to multiple causes and usually doesn’t have any permanent cure, only medication helps that too it just helps doesn’t cures.
Its lessons like these that makes sit and think and really wonder… that this life is full of real life Heros and how my life’s big issues seem so petty… infact I felt so petty…
Well.. to be honest… conciling my thoughts over this post took a lot outa me and im literally out of words to conclude this.
I cant really put finger on what exactly moved me today so much… the irony of my aunt-uncle’s lives, Munna Aunty’s dedication to her husband, her godly spirit, human capacity’s extent, my limitedness…
What ever it may be.. may be all of it.. !!!
“Let there be peace” Amen!
I had heard a lot of stories about Munna aunty and uncle’s house, I had heard that they have a beautiful house with tall trees around, perfectly laid garden, a li pond at the back, colorful flowers blooming everywhere.. a picture perfect house with amazing decor inside. Being a spectator one would think and wish to own and be at this place.
Trust me when I reached there, it was better than I just explained it here..
After the usual greeting, Dad and I went for a li round of the place and garden.. it felt peaceful and just like a home everyone wud wana be at.
While on the walk my dad reminded me of Munna Uncle’s illness and mental health and it all came back to me that many years back I had heard of Munna uncle, who is suffering from schizophrenia(psychotic disorder,symptoms like- derailment, delusions, loss of reality). His treatment has been going on for more than 20 years now. Though today he has recovered markedly but is still under strong medication.
Munna Uncle served as an Army Officer(Engineers), with remarkable career history before he was diagnosed with schizophrenic disorder.
His last posting was in sikkim before his initial symptoms of schizophrenia were detected and he soon had to retire from the Army.
Since his retirement aunty and uncle live in their beautiful house, which was designed by Munna uncle himself.
They are blessed with two daughters both married and working, so that leaves uncle and aunty living all by themselves in their dream house. While Uncle floats in his thoughts, munna aunty is the one who keeps them intact and holds - him, his delusions, her wishes, their life together.
Munna Aunty – An inspiration, head to toe !!
Her smile is majestic and its truly her real beauty which enhances the place around her.
Along with the hot cups of tea, home made butter cake, Munna aunty took me and my parents back in time.. she started to tell us about their childhood days at my grandparents village, called Bhagotla(hp). How my mum and she used to run around their rice fields and used to spectate the water run grain- grinder work.
All this while, Munna uncle was in his bedroom.. floating in his thoughts, I really wonder what they were….
Human Brain… a mystery which would only get wilder with time,,, cuz our brain is not getting any simpler with time… listening to my mother’s childhood days only made me long for mine and left me to gloom over the fact that future is going to be such a devoid.
Meanwhile, A bigger blow hit me, when Munna aunty told me that uncle was also suffering from bipolar depression and recently she also has been diagnosed with major(uniploar) depression.
But, trust me an outsider can never tell what they are going through. Munna Aunty is so full of life, lives in best of the comfort and is so humble and a great hostess.
She manages the entire house, is excellent at gardening, infact she has an amazing way of trimming her lawn(she calls local horse breeders with their horses and her lawn acts as a big treat to the horses:P). She manages uncle's psychiatric appointments, her medical appointments, maintains her house not less than Sheraton and leaves all alike me in awe.
As I mentioned before, she is an INSPIRATION head to toe.. while talking to her sometimes I just wished to hug her and sometimes I just admired her for her courage and her patience.
Staying close to home / family(though extended) definitely has its own share of highlights and well today’s evening was one of them.
Believe me when I got back home I re opened my Psychological Disorders book and read through the Schizophrenia chapter. I didn’t really wanted to sound like a shrink to my aunt and therefore curbed most of the queries I had about uncle’s diagnosis by psychiatrists and the causes according to them, which might have caused this disorder to occur.
Schizophrenia can be caused due to multiple causes and usually doesn’t have any permanent cure, only medication helps that too it just helps doesn’t cures.
Its lessons like these that makes sit and think and really wonder… that this life is full of real life Heros and how my life’s big issues seem so petty… infact I felt so petty…
Well.. to be honest… conciling my thoughts over this post took a lot outa me and im literally out of words to conclude this.
I cant really put finger on what exactly moved me today so much… the irony of my aunt-uncle’s lives, Munna Aunty’s dedication to her husband, her godly spirit, human capacity’s extent, my limitedness…
What ever it may be.. may be all of it.. !!!
“Let there be peace” Amen!
Monday, August 31, 2009
Lets all be Idiots !!!!
its 9.34 pm as per my watch n im sittin in front of my computer screen n I have been staring at it for sometime now..
a very close friend of mine asked me an intriguing question, to which i did answer \...but still would like to ponder upon it further.
so the basic essence of her question was "why do we make decisions against our will?” OR “why do we make decisions without thinking through the outcome?” sometimes its even worst, when we make decisions knowing that its gonna reap hell.. but hey’ wt the heck you must try it, to know it.
Its basically being an idiot, rather it can be called a state of IDIOCY…we fall into it once in a while and make silly decisions and then the questions I mentioned above are precisely the questions we ask ourselves.
Idiocy is one of the side dishes to being human, like .. a dip with a dish of potato wedges! Life is the potato wedge dish and idiocy is the dip… It doesn’t matter you like the dip or no.. it will be served to you.. and whether you like it or not.. you would surely dip your potato wedge in the dip at least once. And then my dear you have tasted the idiocy which will follow you no matter what.
Why why why.. Are all humans really idiots? Do sometimes really our brains doesn’t work at all. We all commit mistakes and then after a while realize what did we do?! And later cant even remember which rationale made us take that decision , hmm… so much for “repressed memory” ;P
Sigmund Freud was a man of mans… gave humans so many excuses that now it s a fashion statement to be a psycho path.. cuz man… you must have been an interesting, difficult, complicated entity to be so twisted.
I was surprised and so would you be… I found a very old personal journal of mine.. may be dated back to my [s]cool days… I found written on one of the entries- “Three men I love: 1. Kurt Cobain 2. Oscar Wilde 3. Sigmund Freud” I was like :-O
If I sit and think about it now.. yes these three personalities have definitely had a major major influence in my life, in my growing up days.. no wonder I am , I was so twisted all the time in head.. and now it occurs to me that none of them are alive today.. and all of them have been in centre of controversies, they were know to take the uncanny way and all of them were inconsistent with consistent brilliant work.
And they all had sad ends… but the world still remembers them n googles about them. That’s nothing to complaint about.
I believe we all are brilliant idiots !!! and sometimes one takes on a better part of us… making us do what we shouldn’t have done.
But hey… in the end.. whose to judge ?!
Long live Human Idiocy …. It’s brilliant ways are always around the corner.
PS- Shruts, August has 2 now :-)!
a very close friend of mine asked me an intriguing question, to which i did answer \...but still would like to ponder upon it further.
so the basic essence of her question was "why do we make decisions against our will?” OR “why do we make decisions without thinking through the outcome?” sometimes its even worst, when we make decisions knowing that its gonna reap hell.. but hey’ wt the heck you must try it, to know it.
Its basically being an idiot, rather it can be called a state of IDIOCY…we fall into it once in a while and make silly decisions and then the questions I mentioned above are precisely the questions we ask ourselves.
Idiocy is one of the side dishes to being human, like .. a dip with a dish of potato wedges! Life is the potato wedge dish and idiocy is the dip… It doesn’t matter you like the dip or no.. it will be served to you.. and whether you like it or not.. you would surely dip your potato wedge in the dip at least once. And then my dear you have tasted the idiocy which will follow you no matter what.
Why why why.. Are all humans really idiots? Do sometimes really our brains doesn’t work at all. We all commit mistakes and then after a while realize what did we do?! And later cant even remember which rationale made us take that decision , hmm… so much for “repressed memory” ;P
Sigmund Freud was a man of mans… gave humans so many excuses that now it s a fashion statement to be a psycho path.. cuz man… you must have been an interesting, difficult, complicated entity to be so twisted.
I was surprised and so would you be… I found a very old personal journal of mine.. may be dated back to my [s]cool days… I found written on one of the entries- “Three men I love: 1. Kurt Cobain 2. Oscar Wilde 3. Sigmund Freud” I was like :-O
If I sit and think about it now.. yes these three personalities have definitely had a major major influence in my life, in my growing up days.. no wonder I am , I was so twisted all the time in head.. and now it occurs to me that none of them are alive today.. and all of them have been in centre of controversies, they were know to take the uncanny way and all of them were inconsistent with consistent brilliant work.
And they all had sad ends… but the world still remembers them n googles about them. That’s nothing to complaint about.
I believe we all are brilliant idiots !!! and sometimes one takes on a better part of us… making us do what we shouldn’t have done.
But hey… in the end.. whose to judge ?!
Long live Human Idiocy …. It’s brilliant ways are always around the corner.
PS- Shruts, August has 2 now :-)!
Thursday, August 20, 2009
When the Idea strikes !!!
i think great ideas strike only in midst of desperation... that AA-HA feeling about which i was taught in my psychology lecture...thats the feeling you get and then u ride a high tide.. it feels amazin n then theres no stopping to ur dreams.. its jus AWESUMMM........
im cold struck right now... n my head feels like it weighs more than me and im currently over-weight :(
but yeah.... a lot of ideas flow in while u r sick in bed or when you really stuck... its similar to the fact that when you have a near death like experience, you can see your life in whole new light all together.
Its great to have a lot cookin up there ;)
i wish we all out here, feel like this once in a while, ... and get high on our own self... best feelin ever !!!
im dedicating this post to my friend, my first official boss,,, who taught me all i know abt all the work i can do professionally... n i think im good at it,,, thanks to her !!!
LET THE IDEA STRIKE US ALL !!!!
Song recommended-
When the levee breaks, Led Zeppelin.
im cold struck right now... n my head feels like it weighs more than me and im currently over-weight :(
but yeah.... a lot of ideas flow in while u r sick in bed or when you really stuck... its similar to the fact that when you have a near death like experience, you can see your life in whole new light all together.
Its great to have a lot cookin up there ;)
i wish we all out here, feel like this once in a while, ... and get high on our own self... best feelin ever !!!
im dedicating this post to my friend, my first official boss,,, who taught me all i know abt all the work i can do professionally... n i think im good at it,,, thanks to her !!!
LET THE IDEA STRIKE US ALL !!!!
Song recommended-
When the levee breaks, Led Zeppelin.
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